I know, so many people are offput by the somewhat contrived essence of Valentine’s Day, a Hallmark cash cow and one more way for those who are un-coupled to feel even more left out. I know, I know. But that’s why I liked today’s Modern Love column in the New York Times, Explaining the Irrational: Here Goes...

It offers a look at a lot of the pitfalls of being coupled, un-coupled or not-so-sure-what-we-are. Basically, relationships are hard, confusing and messy. They are a lot of work if you want a really good one and it can take a good deal of work to get an off-track one back on track, yet that still comes in far less expensively than the d-word.

So whatever your state of coupling may be, please accept my wish for you, a wish for love filled with desire, vulnerability and bravery.

Happiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).

But what about serious depression? I mean, if Chevy Chase, who has lots and lots of money, has trouble finding the correct anti-depressant for 6 years, what does that say about money’s role and strength regarding happiness?

In the end, it is the quality of our relationships that influences happiness, which so perfectly brings us circling back to episode 1, and so it goes.

Be prepared for MFT3 to refer to this series often regarding the multitude of topics that were so beautifully illustrated by PBS. I hope you were as moved by it as I was.

The thing that this episode, “Facing Our Fears” so poignantly expresses is that we all do have all of these feelings, but what to do when they become unmanageable? And what does unmanageable look like, really?

As a therapist I am proud of PBS for being so thorough and explicit, going to the tough place and shedding light into some commonly dark corners. I will be using these episodes as resources for current and future clients as a launching pad for conversations about grief, trauma, depression, fear, how families of the afflicted can be affected and more.

I cannot wait to see tonight’s last episode. I hope you tune in as well. If you missed episode 2, click here to view the entire 2-hour show.

The subject was “Family, Friends and Lovers” and the focus was on the impact and importance of the relationships we have, our absolute need for them to be supportive and nurturing, and when things go awry, where and how to get help.

Even though the specific modality of Marriage and Family Therapy itself was not mentioned, the last part “Lovers”, where we follow the couple Monica and Phil through couples counseling, could not have been more appropriate regarding the actual experience that I have gone through so many dozens of times with couples myself. It was incredibly hopeful to me, as a therapist, that so many hundreds of thousands of people who may have outdated or misinformed ideas of what therapy is or looks/feels like were able to be witnesses to an actual, real, accurate experience.

Tune in tonight for part 2, click the link above if you missed part 1, and check back here tomorrow for more feedback, observation and learning.

2010 is upon us and everyone at MFT3 would like to wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and peaceful new year (let us know if we can help in any way, too!).

There is an upcoming special on PBS called “This Emotional Life” that looks to be something special, something that we can all learn from. It’s about people and relationships, happiness and depression, and how to make sense out of many things that seem to be so elusive.

Tune in January 4, 5 and 6 and enjoy. MFT3 will be posting responses here as well as on our Twitter feed.

We challenge you to view independence as utilizing the proper resources to maintain a healthy emotional and physical state of well being, which doesn’t necessarily mean doing it on your own.

How does our concept of independence affect our relationships with our partners, children, family members, friends, and co-workers? How can we establish intimacy with our significant other while creating safe boundaries for ourselves in which we are able to express ourselves as individuals? How do we allow our children to be independent but also to continue to lean on us when they need us and offer guidance and wisdom in their lives?

All of this requires a balance, where we are comfortable letting others know our strengths and weaknesses and accept what is offered to us when there are too many responsibilities to juggle. It may mean not being the best at everything all the time. It may mean relinquishing control and coping with the uncertainty that comes with allowing someone else to do it their way. It may mean giving ourselves permission to be the leader and the follower, the rock and the tumultuous storm, to be independent and dependent.

We encourage you to start off your summer by being patient and kind to yourselves, by taking stock of your accomplishments and the successes of your family, and by recognizing that if there are areas of your life that call for a little less self sacrifice and a little more asking for help, help is available and asking for it is truly an independent act.

Happy Independence Day!