In Seth Godin’s blog, he posted a link to the new movie “Lemonade“. This is a well done, heartfelt and inspirational look at how losing a job may be the best thing that could ever happen to you. I know all too well that this is a truth for me, based on actual experience in my own life.
Watch this 36-minute movie and rethink your ROI on your daily grind and see if a change may be for the better for you as well. 36 minutes may be all that is standing in the way of your true happiness.
Having gone through this particular ringer, as well as years of business experience, MFT3 is well suited to be a source of support should you be ready to make some lemonade of your own.
I stumbled upon the Oprah show yesterday and found myself listening to Denise Richards commenting on the impact/aftermath of her ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s Christmas Day DV arrest in Aspen, CO. What struck me so much was the way in which Ms. Richards spoke, so carefully, so safely.
Take a look at the end of the interview here:
Scroll in to 2:00 to see the part I am referring to. It is apparent to me, a trained clinician with depth of experience in DV, to see Ms. Richards body language shifting. I know that Oprah would never call herself a clinician, she is an entertainer, but that is exactly why I found this so poignant. Ms. Richards is obviously terribly uncomfortable. Oprah is looking to have a thorough interview, she is not trained to see that, perhaps, the alleged escalation of Mr. Sheen’s behavior has triggered something in Ms. Richards, she looks at her father in the front row for support, yet Oprah continues to ask for a better answer to her question.
What I do not believe most people understand is that DV therapy is a very slow, very gentle, very different kind of therapy than most other therapy. The therapist does not want to re-victimize the client by unwittingly continuing the stance of power and control that the perpetrator has established. A survivor may not have been the victim of physical abuse, but if a perpetrator does not seek professional assistance in changing their behavior, the pattern is always one of escalation, and allegedly, this is exactly what has happened with Mr. Sheen. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that Ms. Richards is going to shut herself down a little, have to reinforce her skills and seek safety in her answers on National TV, because she does have to be in his presence again. Oprah and we the viewers, we do not.
So my heart went out to Ms. Richards when Oprah, I believe, unwittingly assumed the role of power and control by calling her on not answering the last question, even in light of Ms. Richards looking at her father, seeking safety and support from him, yet again being pressed to do something against her will.
Domestic violence is so much more than a broken arm or an attack with a knife. Typically, many months or years of emotional, financial, verbal, psychological and even sexual abuse have taken place before the cycle is raised to a physical level. But it is a pattern of increasing escalation, no matter who the perpetrator and victim may be, famous or not, rich or poor. I see a four year battle in court to be nothing more than a continuation of the DV Mr. Sheen may have allegedly been perpetrating on Ms. Richards. What better way to ensure that she be where he wants her to be and on his terms?
I found Ms. Richards to be very brave. I completely understand her reluctance to answer questions she is not comfortable answering. I hope she continues to trust and listen to herself and not bow to others.
In the final installment of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series, episode 3 “Rethinking Happiness” focused on happiness, rejuvenation and misperceptions regarding how beliefs that are sometimes associated with happiness may not actually influence happiness at all. Why is the one thing we all crave so elusive?
Happiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).
But what about serious depression? I mean, if Chevy Chase, who has lots and lots of money, has trouble finding the correct anti-depressant for 6 years, what does that say about money’s role and strength regarding happiness?
In the end, it is the quality of our relationships that influences happiness, which so perfectly brings us circling back to episode 1, and so it goes.
Be prepared for MFT3 to refer to this series often regarding the multitude of topics that were so beautifully illustrated by PBS. I hope you were as moved by it as I was.
Episode 2 of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series looks at emotions that are commonly regarded as obstacles to happiness — such as anger, fear, anxiety, and despair. At first blush these seem like pretty heavy topics, don’t I already know all about them, how much enjoyment can I get out of this show when I don’t have those problems?
The thing that this episode, “Facing Our Fears” so poignantly expresses is that we all do have all of these feelings, but what to do when they become unmanageable? And what does unmanageable look like, really?
As a therapist I am proud of PBS for being so thorough and explicit, going to the tough place and shedding light into some commonly dark corners. I will be using these episodes as resources for current and future clients as a launching pad for conversations about grief, trauma, depression, fear, how families of the afflicted can be affected and more.
I cannot wait to see tonight’s last episode. I hope you tune in as well. If you missed episode 2, click here to view the entire 2-hour show.
The subject was “Family, Friends and Lovers” and the focus was on the impact and importance of the relationships we have, our absolute need for them to be supportive and nurturing, and when things go awry, where and how to get help.
Even though the specific modality of Marriage and Family Therapy itself was not mentioned, the last part “Lovers”, where we follow the couple Monica and Phil through couples counseling, could not have been more appropriate regarding the actual experience that I have gone through so many dozens of times with couples myself. It was incredibly hopeful to me, as a therapist, that so many hundreds of thousands of people who may have outdated or misinformed ideas of what therapy is or looks/feels like were able to be witnesses to an actual, real, accurate experience.
Tune in tonight for part 2, click the link above if you missed part 1, and check back here tomorrow for more feedback, observation and learning.
2010 is upon us and everyone at MFT3 would like to wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and peaceful new year (let us know if we can help in any way, too!).
There is an upcoming special on PBS called “This Emotional Life” that looks to be something special, something that we can all learn from. It’s about people and relationships, happiness and depression, and how to make sense out of many things that seem to be so elusive.
Tune in January 4, 5 and 6 and enjoy. MFT3 will be posting responses here as well as on our Twitter feed.
Every night this week (12/10–12/16/09), tune in from 8-9 pm to Trumbull’s Channel 17 to see MFT3’s workshop presentation at Total Learning and Therapy Center titled “Happy Parents = Happy Kids”.
Please contact MFT3 at info@mft3.com or 203-416-6008 to schedule workshops or presentations for your group, congregation, school or business.
On Thursday December 3, MFT3 presented a workshop called “Happy Parents = Happy Kids” at TLTC which will be broadcast locally on Trumbull, CT Channel 17 (I will let you know when we get the air dates).
One of the exercises met with particular interest, the Balance Wheel, so I am posting it here now if anyone would like to download it for their own use.
I would like to thank everyone who came out and joined us, and we will let you know of upcoming workshops or presentations as they are scheduled.
Of course, please contact info@mft3.com if you would like to arrange for a custom workshop or presentation for your company or organization.
Join MFT3 as we present a free workshop on December 3 from 7-8pm at the offices of Total Learning and Therapy Center in Trumbull, CT. We will explore three topics; family structure and culture, conflict resolution and repairs, and building intimacy and reconnecting.
Registration is required so please call 203-268-8852 if you are interested in attending this free workshop.
Mental health practitioners are concerned first in helping people who want it. Yes, we are in this business to make a living, but part of the calling is also seeing that nobody goes without care when it’s needed. At MFT3 we have what is called a sliding scale fee structure. What that means is that we will reduce the rate to make sessions more accessible to a potential client. This policy is based on creating a relationship that is mutually satisfying; I don’t want a client coming in less frequently than therapeutically sustainable due to cost, I would rather take a smaller fee and create a better healing environment.
Of course, argument goes to the notion if someone is already in a depressed or anxious state, that discussing costs may not be a first thought or come naturally. I always discuss cost first over the phone but also check-in with the client as we move forward and adjust as necessary as situations change.
I have also developed a large and diverse network of collaborative professionals who are in every type of agency, and can refer to a no-cost practitioner if that best suits a client’s needs. I personally have never found the size of a fee having any impact – pro or con – on someone’s ability to be seen by a therapist. This notion flies in the face of the ethics of the field.
As we have been learning, not all insurance plans are created equally and the mere fact that someone has insurance does not ensure that they have good mental health coverage. Also, as jobs are lost so goes insurance in many instances. By having created a personal financial relationship separate from insurance via sliding scale, I find that clients are more apt to continue with sessions in the midst of job loss as a support through the depression associated with the loss, the work of finding a new job, supporting all family members through potential lifestyle changes, and so on.
My point is to always ask about cost, especially if it may be an extra stressor during an already tough time. As professionals, we are well aware and prepared to work with you in this matter. Yes, therapy will cost you money, but let us not underestimate the costs associated with not treating mental illness in a timely manner, too.
Please note that depression, particularly, is an isolating condition, and that getting out and finding a therapist is a very important step in breaking the solitary hold it can have on someone. If prescription medication is indicated, note too that some may take as long as 3 months to stabilize in your system, not a quick fix.
And always, if the need is critical, call 9-1-1 first.
T-SNAP (Trumbull)
Trumbull’s Special Needs Awareness Program, enabling emergency services (police, fire & EMS) to better respond when individuals with special needs are involved
TPSLD (Trumbull)
The Trumbull Parents of Students with Learning Differences supports parents of children with special needs in all town public/private schools
Notable sites
AAMFT
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Happiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).
