Posts Tagged ‘MFT3’

The Terrible Tweens

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

I am very late in commenting on this now historic event, but it has been “sticking” with me, so here is my 2-cents.

Regarding Jessi Slaughter and the whole cyber bullying firestorm, this event perfectly encapsulates why tweens (and most teens) should not have access to the entirety of the internet. Here is a site that lays out the entire series of events, please watch with caution.

Turn the clock back 30 years and this same drama plays out in a tween’s bedroom in Anytown, America and there is no harm done because that’s where it stays. When you add the medium of the internet and invite in the entire world, things can go bad quickly.

Developmentally, every tween is going to experiment with personas, fantasy, imitation and release. When this is done in the safety of one’s bedroom or rumpus room, without the medium of the internet, then all is well. Who doesn’t remember grabbing a bottle of shampoo and singing along to the lyrics of Michael Jackson or Madonna (I’m dating myself). In hindsight we realize we had no idea of what the lyrics really meant, it was more about embracing the style and culture of the “now” of our childhood.

Additionally, tweendom is a phase of development when it is literally impossible for the youth brain to concieve of long term consequences for their actions, ergo why we have parents in charge. Parents MUST make it their number one job to be well versed with what the tweens are dabbling in or else make entirely sure that they have absolutely no access to this level of potential harm.

It has been quoted by the mother that “she cannot watch over her child 24/7″ so…shrug shoulders. This is not an acceptable stance. Parenting is not a task that we get to pick up or put down at will, to do only when we’re in the mood, it IS a full-time job and it IS your responsibility to monitor tweens’ activities. If you cannot or will not educate yourselves about the medium then remove all unsupervised access to the community. Set yourselves both up for an experience of success.

I post this as a cautionary tale and a visual reminder that our world has changed, that it is mandatory for parents to be aware of all online activities of their kids and to have a real grasp of what the medium offers, both good and bad. The web invites in the whole world, and even the most well-intentioned can stumble into foreign territory. Yes, they’re good kids, meaning no harm, but there are those out there who are looking to harm. It’s not appropriate to stick one’s head in the sand and state that “I just don’t understand it”. Our kids NEED us to understand it and keep them safe until they are old enough to do so for themselves.

The saddest part of this recent episode is how utterly unnecessary it was. If Jessi had been alone in her bedroom sans camera, this would not have been newsworthy, it would just have been a little girl experimenting and play acting, growing as all children do, in the safety of her home.

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MFT3 is Growing!

Friday, June 25th, 2010

MFT3 is Proud to Introduce our Newest Associate!


Please join us in welcoming our newest associate, Erica M. Cannata, LADC, MFT, CCDP-D, to Marriage & Family Therapy of Trumbull (MFT3).

Erica joins both Katherine Allen, M.A., LMFT and Laura Petiford, M.A., LMFT at the Trumbull location. Erica, a seasoned expert in addiction disorders and adolescent issues, is a Licensed Addiction Counselor and Certified Co-Occurring Disorders Professional Diplomate in the state of Connecticut. Erica will begin taking new clients starting June 28, 2010.

At MFT3 we understand that life can come at you fast, and that’s why we’re here to help. MFT3 can be found online at http://www.mft3.com. Visit our blog at http://blog.mft3.com or join the Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/mft3page.

Our office location is at 2 Corporate Drive, Suite 211, Trumbull CT 06611. Phone: 203-416-6008. E-mail: info@mft3.com.

Wishing one and all balance and peace.

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Pink slips are GOOD!

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

In Seth Godin’s blog, he posted a link to the new movie “Lemonade“. This is a well done, heartfelt and inspirational look at how losing a job may be the best thing that could ever happen to you. I know all too well that this is a truth for me, based on actual experience in my own life.

Watch this 36-minute movie and rethink your ROI on your daily grind and see if a change may be for the better for you as well. 36 minutes may be all that is standing in the way of your true happiness.

Having gone through this particular ringer, as well as years of business experience, MFT3 is well suited to be a source of support should you be ready to make some lemonade of your own.

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Oprah, Denise Richards and Domestic Violence

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

I stumbled upon the Oprah show yesterday and found myself listening to Denise Richards commenting on the impact/aftermath of her ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s Christmas Day DV arrest in Aspen, CO. What struck me so much was the way in which Ms. Richards spoke, so carefully, so safely.

Take a look at the end of the interview here:

Scroll in to 2:00 to see the part I am referring to. It is apparent to me, a trained clinician with depth of experience in DV, to see Ms. Richards body language shifting. I know that Oprah would never call herself a clinician, she is an entertainer, but that is exactly why I found this so poignant. Ms. Richards is obviously terribly uncomfortable. Oprah is looking to have a thorough interview, she is not trained to see that, perhaps, the alleged escalation of Mr. Sheen’s behavior has triggered something in Ms. Richards, she looks at her father in the front row for support, yet Oprah continues to ask for a better answer to her question.

What I do not believe most people understand is that DV therapy is a very slow, very gentle, very different kind of therapy than most other therapy. The therapist does not want to re-victimize the client by unwittingly continuing the stance of power and control that the perpetrator has established. A survivor may not have been the victim of physical abuse, but if a perpetrator does not seek professional assistance in changing their behavior, the pattern is always one of escalation, and allegedly, this is exactly what has happened with Mr. Sheen. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that Ms. Richards is going to shut herself down a little, have to reinforce her skills and seek safety in her answers on National TV, because she does have to be in his presence again. Oprah and we the viewers, we do not.

So my heart went out to Ms. Richards when Oprah, I believe, unwittingly assumed the role of power and control by calling her on not answering the last question, even in light of Ms. Richards looking at her father, seeking safety and support from him, yet again being pressed to do something against her will.

Domestic violence is so much more than a broken arm or an attack with a knife. Typically, many months or years of emotional, financial, verbal, psychological and even sexual abuse have taken place before the cycle is raised to a physical level. But it is a pattern of increasing escalation, no matter who the perpetrator and victim may be, famous or not, rich or poor. I see a four year battle in court to be nothing more than a continuation of the DV Mr. Sheen may have allegedly been perpetrating on Ms. Richards. What better way to ensure that she be where he wants her to be and on his terms?

I found Ms. Richards to be very brave. I completely understand her reluctance to answer questions she is not comfortable answering. I hope she continues to trust and listen to herself and not bow to others.

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“This Emotional Life” Uplifting

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

In the final installment of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series, episode 3 “Rethinking Happiness” focused on happiness, rejuvenation and misperceptions regarding how beliefs that are sometimes associated with happiness may not actually influence happiness at all. Why is the one thing we all crave so elusive?

This Emotional LifeHappiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).

But what about serious depression? I mean, if Chevy Chase, who has lots and lots of money, has trouble finding the correct anti-depressant for 6 years, what does that say about money’s role and strength regarding happiness?

In the end, it is the quality of our relationships that influences happiness, which so perfectly brings us circling back to episode 1, and so it goes.

Be prepared for MFT3 to refer to this series often regarding the multitude of topics that were so beautifully illustrated by PBS. I hope you were as moved by it as I was.

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Episode 2 “This Emotional Life” Powerful!

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

This Emotional LifeEpisode 2 of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series looks at emotions that are commonly regarded as obstacles to happiness — such as anger, fear, anxiety, and despair. At first blush these seem like pretty heavy topics, don’t I already know all about them, how much enjoyment can I get out of this show when I don’t have those problems?

The thing that this episode, “Facing Our Fears” so poignantly expresses is that we all do have all of these feelings, but what to do when they become unmanageable? And what does unmanageable look like, really?

As a therapist I am proud of PBS for being so thorough and explicit, going to the tough place and shedding light into some commonly dark corners. I will be using these episodes as resources for current and future clients as a launching pad for conversations about grief, trauma, depression, fear, how families of the afflicted can be affected and more.

I cannot wait to see tonight’s last episode. I hope you tune in as well. If you missed episode 2, click here to view the entire 2-hour show.

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“This Emotional Life” Outstanding!

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

Joyfully, the first installment of “This Emotional Life” on PBS last night was outstanding! (see the whole 2-hour show here).

The subject was “Family, Friends and Lovers” and the focus was on the impact and importance of the relationships we have, our absolute need for them to be supportive and nurturing, and when things go awry, where and how to get help.

Family, Friends, Lovers

Even though the specific modality of Marriage and Family Therapy itself was not mentioned, the last part “Lovers”, where we follow the couple Monica and Phil through couples counseling, could not have been more appropriate regarding the actual experience that I have gone through so many dozens of times with couples myself. It was incredibly hopeful to me, as a therapist, that so many hundreds of thousands of people who may have outdated or misinformed ideas of what therapy is or looks/feels like were able to be witnesses to an actual, real, accurate experience.

Tune in tonight for part 2, click the link above if you missed part 1, and check back here tomorrow for more feedback, observation and learning.

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Happy New Year!

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

2010 is upon us and everyone at MFT3 would like to wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and peaceful new year (let us know if we can help in any way, too!).

There is an upcoming special on PBS called “This Emotional Life” that looks to be something special, something that we can all learn from. It’s about people and relationships, happiness and depression, and how to make sense out of many things that seem to be so elusive.

Tune in January 4, 5 and 6 and enjoy. MFT3 will be posting responses here as well as on our Twitter feed.

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MFT3 on Channel 17

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

Every night this week (12/10–12/16/09), tune in from 8-9 pm to Trumbull’s Channel 17 to see MFT3′s workshop presentation at Total Learning and Therapy Center titled “Happy Parents = Happy Kids”.

Please contact MFT3 at info@mft3.com or 203-416-6008 to schedule workshops or presentations for your group, congregation, school or business.

We look forward to working with you.

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Intimacy Building Exercise

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

On Thursday December 3, MFT3 presented a workshop called “Happy Parents = Happy Kids” at TLTC which will be broadcast locally on Trumbull, CT Channel 17 (I will let you know when we get the air dates).

One of the exercises met with particular interest, the Balance Wheel, so I am posting it here now if anyone would like to download it for their own use.

I would like to thank everyone who came out and joined us, and we will let you know of upcoming workshops or presentations as they are scheduled.

Of course, please contact info@mft3.com if you would like to arrange for a custom workshop or presentation for your company or organization.

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