But what some may see as adversity can be seen as a wonderful opportunity through a different lens. Mother Nature has us in her clutches, we are truly powerless over the weather. Yes, one may have 6 or 7 apps to keep abreast of the comings and goings of the weather, but all in all we are still ineffective at doing anything about it. We can whine and grumble and complain or we can embrace the fascinating opportunities each change holds for us.

Plan for that day off, gather friends and ingredients and make forts and later have cookies and hot cocoa, gather together and just be with one another. Relish all of nature’s strength and beauty, even down to the smallest delicate details of a snowflake.

I have been reflecting on recent sad events in our world; the Arizona shootings and the suicide of a popular web personality, Bill Zeller. What do these two sad events have to do with winter weather? Well, powerlessness of course.

When we are confronted by what we believe to be unchangeable or overwhelming events or stimulus, sometimes the human being can retreat into a state of constant fear and panic. Interestingly, the best way to manage powerlessness is to embrace it. No, we don’t have power over the weather, or what others may do to us, but that doesn’t make us powerless over how we handle it. I wish Bill had found some good therapy, I wish the shooter had done the same. We do have power over what we tell ourselves these random events mean. We always have the power to find help, to invite in another person and “share our rocks”.

If you or anyone you know seems to be struggling with darkness and despair, please help them find help. Whether at MFT3 or elsewhere, the most important step is the first one, into a therapist’s office.

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Today’s topic was one near and dear to my heart and my profession as a therapist – domestic violence. I embrace every opportunity to speak about the real face of domestic violence, to break the myths and help end the generational cycle of abuse.

As I promised on the show, here are some of the best resources (National and local) if you suspect that you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship. Remember, you don’t need a black eye or a hospital stay for a relationship to be abusive or illegal, some of the deepest and longest lasting wounds happen on the inside.

Help is ready and available. Join me in talking about this problem.

• 24-hour, toll-free National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-SAFE http://www.ndvh.org
• 24-hour, toll-free Connecticut statewide hotline  1-888-774-2900
• The first of its kind, NTDAH will operate via telephone and Web 24 hours a day and will be staffed by both teen and adult advocates. Teens (and parents) anywhere in the country can call toll free, 1-866-331-9474 or log on to the interactive Web site, loveisrespect.org
• Loveisnotabuse.com Tips and tools to start the conversation with your teen, in your school, in your community.
• CWF  (The Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County, Inc.)
  753 Fairfield Avenue,
Bridgeport, CT
 (203) 384-9559 www.cwfefc.org
• DVCC  (Domestic Violence Crisis Center)  1-888-774-2900 www.dvccct.org
  Norwalk, CT (203) 852-1980 and Stamford, CT (203) 357-8162
• CCADV  (Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence) (860) 282-7899 http://www.ctcadv.org
• 2-1-1 Infoline in Connecticut
• Worldwide  hotpeachpages.net

Check back in October for another radio guest spot and further resources for specific populations, namely affluent victims and resources for teens regarding dating choices.

As always, MFT3 is ready and able to help if you are experiencing abuse or violence in your relationship. We can be reached at (203) 416-6008 or at . All calls and emails are completely confidential.

We challenge you to view independence as utilizing the proper resources to maintain a healthy emotional and physical state of well being, which doesn’t necessarily mean doing it on your own.

How does our concept of independence affect our relationships with our partners, children, family members, friends, and co-workers? How can we establish intimacy with our significant other while creating safe boundaries for ourselves in which we are able to express ourselves as individuals? How do we allow our children to be independent but also to continue to lean on us when they need us and offer guidance and wisdom in their lives?

All of this requires a balance, where we are comfortable letting others know our strengths and weaknesses and accept what is offered to us when there are too many responsibilities to juggle. It may mean not being the best at everything all the time. It may mean relinquishing control and coping with the uncertainty that comes with allowing someone else to do it their way. It may mean giving ourselves permission to be the leader and the follower, the rock and the tumultuous storm, to be independent and dependent.

We encourage you to start off your summer by being patient and kind to yourselves, by taking stock of your accomplishments and the successes of your family, and by recognizing that if there are areas of your life that call for a little less self sacrifice and a little more asking for help, help is available and asking for it is truly an independent act.

Happy Independence Day!

How can you tell if someone is losing control regarding alcohol or drugs? As a therapist, I have yet to meet a family or client that has not been impacted by the effects of SA in their lives, be it themselves, a family member, a close friend or colleague. Some of the warning signs are: isolating one’s self, “needing” one more drink than everyone else, making excuses as to why or how much one is drinking or using drugs, arriving at a social event already having drank or used drugs on one’s own and being “primed”, getting angry if there aren’t drugs or alcohol available at a social event.

These are just a few signs that a person may be struggling with SA. You may have seen these behaviors and others in yourself or a loved one. But know that if you suspect that something is off balance, it usually is.

Here are some useful and free links for information for you or someone you care about in regards to education about the signs and risks of SA, as well as places to seek help. And of course, the therapists at MFT3 are all experienced and available to assist you or someone you love should SA be an issue in your lives.

• Free InfoLine help can be found 24/7 by dialing 2-1-1 from any phone, or at www.infoline.org
• National Institute on Drug Abuse, links for parents http://www.nida.nih.gov/parent-teacher.html
• For a full list of Addiction Services in lower Fairfield County, please visit http://www.ct.gov/dmhas/cwp/view.asp?a=2902&q=335230
• Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. www.al-anon.alateen.org
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) World Services, Inc. www.aa.org
• In Connecticut, visit www.ct-aa.org
• National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD) www.ncadd.org
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) www.niaaa.nih.gov
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) www.samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP