This is my response to the demands made by NOW regarding Paterson and domestic violence.
Throwing Baby out with Bathwater
I am an energetic and committed advocate for breaking the cycle and silence of domestic violence, but I feel like a major opportunity is being lost with all of these demands for Paterson to step down.
Isn’t it fascinating that even the Governor of NY has a flawed and skewed definition and possibly inappropriate response to an alleged domestic violence incident. What a ripe opportunity to make serious headlines and explode the educational potential of following the Governor on a quest for enlightenment. This could be the platform to educate in a new way, break old stereotypes and shatter myths.
Governor Paterson could truly be an advocate for change by admitting that he too is not above reproach and faulty decision making in this very shameful and scary cycle. While I see how and why NOW is reacting the way they are, I would put forth my viewpoint and see if that may spur real change for masses rather than just vilifying one more individual.
This could be the opportunity for Governor Paterson to do what Tiger Woods didn’t.
I have been pondering this post for some time. As a therapist who is focusing much of my information sharing in these posts as reflections on events in the media, I have been thinking about some of the reality TV shows and their therapeutic integrity and appropriateness.
Take A&E’s Intervention. An amazing show, filled with the real pain and trials that addiction submits to everyone in the system. There is no such thing as an addict in a vacuum, loved ones and the community are ultimately involved and harmed in the cycle of addiction no matter how you look at it.
They have introduced some new episode formats, like the one highlighted in the pic here, that are in-depth looks at specific types of drug classes and their impact. This particular one highlights Huffing, something that astoundingly far too many parents are not educated about or aware of. This was a powerful episode featuring not only success stories but some tragic endings as well.
I was informed today of this powerful interview that CBS Evening News and @katiecouric have run recently regarding the growing problem of teen dating abuse and violence.
The video below shows part of the CBS broadcast and then delves deeper with Jane Randel of Liz Claiborne, Vice President and developer of the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum (which is available to your school or group through MFT3), and Catherine Pierce, Deputy Director for the Justice Department’s Office on Violence Against Women.
Please watch, learn, talk with your kids, and share with as many people as you can. Remember that silence perpetuates abuse and violence, speaking up can stop it.
If you are interested in having MFT3 bring the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum to your school or group, please contact Katherine Allen at 203-416-6008 x602 or e-mail katherine@mft3.com.
In the final installment of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series, episode 3 “Rethinking Happiness” focused on happiness, rejuvenation and misperceptions regarding how beliefs that are sometimes associated with happiness may not actually influence happiness at all. Why is the one thing we all crave so elusive?
Happiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).
But what about serious depression? I mean, if Chevy Chase, who has lots and lots of money, has trouble finding the correct anti-depressant for 6 years, what does that say about money’s role and strength regarding happiness?
In the end, it is the quality of our relationships that influences happiness, which so perfectly brings us circling back to episode 1, and so it goes.
Be prepared for MFT3 to refer to this series often regarding the multitude of topics that were so beautifully illustrated by PBS. I hope you were as moved by it as I was.
Episode 2 of PBS’s “This Emotional Life” series looks at emotions that are commonly regarded as obstacles to happiness — such as anger, fear, anxiety, and despair. At first blush these seem like pretty heavy topics, don’t I already know all about them, how much enjoyment can I get out of this show when I don’t have those problems?
The thing that this episode, “Facing Our Fears” so poignantly expresses is that we all do have all of these feelings, but what to do when they become unmanageable? And what does unmanageable look like, really?
As a therapist I am proud of PBS for being so thorough and explicit, going to the tough place and shedding light into some commonly dark corners. I will be using these episodes as resources for current and future clients as a launching pad for conversations about grief, trauma, depression, fear, how families of the afflicted can be affected and more.
I cannot wait to see tonight’s last episode. I hope you tune in as well. If you missed episode 2, click here to view the entire 2-hour show.
The subject was “Family, Friends and Lovers” and the focus was on the impact and importance of the relationships we have, our absolute need for them to be supportive and nurturing, and when things go awry, where and how to get help.
Even though the specific modality of Marriage and Family Therapy itself was not mentioned, the last part “Lovers”, where we follow the couple Monica and Phil through couples counseling, could not have been more appropriate regarding the actual experience that I have gone through so many dozens of times with couples myself. It was incredibly hopeful to me, as a therapist, that so many hundreds of thousands of people who may have outdated or misinformed ideas of what therapy is or looks/feels like were able to be witnesses to an actual, real, accurate experience.
Tune in tonight for part 2, click the link above if you missed part 1, and check back here tomorrow for more feedback, observation and learning.
2010 is upon us and everyone at MFT3 would like to wish you and yours a happy, healthy, safe and peaceful new year (let us know if we can help in any way, too!).
There is an upcoming special on PBS called “This Emotional Life” that looks to be something special, something that we can all learn from. It’s about people and relationships, happiness and depression, and how to make sense out of many things that seem to be so elusive.
Tune in January 4, 5 and 6 and enjoy. MFT3 will be posting responses here as well as on our Twitter feed.
On Thursday December 3, MFT3 presented a workshop called “Happy Parents = Happy Kids” at TLTC which will be broadcast locally on Trumbull, CT Channel 17 (I will let you know when we get the air dates).
One of the exercises met with particular interest, the Balance Wheel, so I am posting it here now if anyone would like to download it for their own use.
I would like to thank everyone who came out and joined us, and we will let you know of upcoming workshops or presentations as they are scheduled.
Of course, please contact info@mft3.com if you would like to arrange for a custom workshop or presentation for your company or organization.
Marriage & Family Therapy of Trumbull is proud to announce the following workshop:
“I do” and Beyond
A Premarital/Newlywed Educational Workshop for couples thinking about getting married or for couples who have recently exchanged vows.
What makes a marriage successful?
Join us as we explore the following 6 topics: marital expectations, family planning and goal setting, communication and conflict resolution, intimacy and sexuality, managing finances and challenges relating to family of origin.
The workshop will be at MFT3, located at 2 Corporate Drive, Suite 211, Trumbull, Connecticut 06611.
The dates are both May 30 and June 6, Saturday mornings from 9am to 12pm.
Coffee and light refreshments will be served.
The cost is $180 per couple for the 2 Saturday complete workshop.
Please contact us at 203-416-6008, print out the flier from our website at http://www.mft3.com/pdf/mft3flier-premarital.pdf
or email us at info@mft3.com for further information or to reserve a space.
May is upon us and with it comes wedding season. The therapists at MFT3 would like to turn your focus to another aspect of this new beginning, the idea of premarital counseling.
Why contemplate premarital counseling in the first place? If you seek therapy before you’re married does it mean that the relationship is flawed from the start? Here’s how we would answer these questions. Consider how you might research a company at length before you attend a job interview, how you might take childbirth classes or read a variety of parenting books during a pregnancy, how you might consult a financial advisor before choosing how to manage your assets, or how you might hire an event planner to create the perfect wedding day. Each of these are examples of investments people make into those areas of their lives that are typically identified as a priority for them.
So we would ask, why not premarital counseling? Isn’t it within the context of marriage that many of the decisions about these priorities are made? We would challenge you to be as planful and mindful about your marriage as you would be about any other important endeavor in your life. We would challenge you to have thoughtful conversations about child rearing, conflict resolution, intimacy and connectedness as well as autonomy, family of origin dynamics, and expected rules and roles in the marital relationship. We acknowledge that sometimes couples are able to find premarital guidance through their religious institutions, and we encourage you to seize these opportunities and find strength for your marriage in your spiritual beliefs as well as in the generations of marriages forged before your own. In addition, the therapists at MFT3 are available to offer support in forming a healthy foundation and lasting integrity for this most valuable entity, your marriage. For more information please feel free to visit our website or contact us at (203) 416-6008.
T-SNAP (Trumbull)
Trumbull’s Special Needs Awareness Program, enabling emergency services (police, fire & EMS) to better respond when individuals with special needs are involved
TPSLD (Trumbull)
The Trumbull Parents of Students with Learning Differences supports parents of children with special needs in all town public/private schools
Notable sites
AAMFT
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Take 
Happiness, at the core, is a state of mind, a choice, and the debate ensues regarding money and its effect. I fall into the camp of belief that money is only associated to happiness based on the degree of comfort in one’s surroundings that it can create, not that it inherently causes happiness in and of itself (picture curling up in front of a fire with stacks of $20s).
