not-so-scary dragon

Dragons are all around us, it’s just that we can’t see them. Well, we can if we redefine them properly. Fire breathing dragons are the hosts of addiction. Yes addiction. And, unfortunately, addiction is all around us.

Addiction can take many forms and the most obvious are of course the worst examples. When we discuss the term “alcoholic” in session we have to work hard to eradicate the instant image of someone who is dirty, homeless, toothless and living under a bridge. As one client put it recently, “alcoholism” wears a suit and takes the train to the city every day.

Addiction is the term we prefer to use because it has fewer stereotypic images associated with it. And addiction is easier for people to associate to things other than alcohol or drugs; it doesn’t take much to illuminate how behaviors like gambling, shopping, cutting, bulimia and workaholism are all forms of addiction as well. This helps open up space to embrace new definitions of addiction, to make it more personal and easier to relate to for many.

Once we clear that hurdle, then comes the dragon. I use a fire breathing dragon as my visual analogy for what addiction really is. Addiction starts, for everyone, with the simple yet dangerous statement of, “I can’t handle _____”. This phrase, spoken from our innermost place, is the calling card for the dragon. Now, the person in pain or despair or fear has a new buddy, a fire breathing dragon. The dragon appears at one’s shoulder and says, “Hey, I hear you can’t handle _____. Well guess what? I’m a fire breathing dragon and I can handle anything! So let me help you.” To the person in turmoil this seems like a gift, a blessing, a quick fix, and so they entertain the idea. But then, the dragon adds, “Well, you see, I can help protect you from _____, but you’ll have to do something for me too.” (play the Jaws theme here). “I’ll need you to provide me with [alcohol, shopping, gambling, heroin, bingeing, etc...] to give me strength to battle the _____ that you can’t handle”. Ut oh. Remember that there’s no such thing as something for nothing, right? And folks, once the person agrees, just like that we now have addiction. Yep, it’s that easy, simple, small and harmless, on the surface, at the beginning. Unfortunately, things change rapidly as the dragon has a much more voracious appetite for the “thing” that it needs to fuel itself to battle the _____ of the person. And as time goes on the person, who has had to lie, cheat and steal to satisfy the dragon, feels that they have sacrificed so much to the dragon that, well heck, I guess we’re in this for the long haul, the dragon is the only one I can rely on, yadda yadda yadda. (In addiction we call this minimization, rationalization, projection and denial)

ALL dragons are scary

Addiction is very gentle and loving at the beginning but it evolves extremely rapidly. Nobody wakes up one day and says to themselves, “I think I’ll become and addict today!” But it happens everyday. If you slow down enough you will see dragons all around you.

Good thing that therapists are trained to see and slay dragons. (yes, hard to put on a resumé, but results don’t lie)

This philosophy ties in to the base premise behind all addictive patterns, in my definition. I believe that all addiction is an attempt to self-soothe, to mask, change or alter one state of being or feeling into another by the use of outside means. OK, in plain english, it’s using drugs or alcohol or shopping, cutting, sex, gambling, bulimia to avoid, to feel something different, even if only for a short time. It’s not being able to sit with the discomfort of the tough decision or interaction or feeling in the moment. Is not the prescriber in the article implicitly defending doing this very same thing? Giving in to the perceived “quick and easy” decision by prescribing rather than sitting with the discomfort of saying “No”?

I have many clients who struggle with differing stages of use and recovery. One thing I tell every one of them is that your MD is not a mind reader, that the information you give the doctor has an enormous impact on their treatment. Nobody walks around with the label “In Recovery” on their foreheads, so it’s your responsibility to educate your care givers. Ask for non-narcotic pain relievers, mention how proud you are for X-number of days being sober, your medical care provider will appreciate and support your efforts that they may otherwise unwittingly undermine by prescribing a narcotic (which for the MD is cheaper and easier, it’s more difficult to be creative in a non-narcotic mindset).

Is this not a perpetuation of addictive behavior in a less blaming, distasteful dose?

How does addiction continue to win over healthy choices?

It is this age old battle that I continue to fight daily, choosing the discomfort, the tough choice, keeping the long-term goals in sight and saying it’s worth it. C’mon, welcome the discomfort! The harder thing, the more difficult action, will truly set you free.

Take A&E’s Intervention. An amazing show, filled with the real pain and trials that addiction submits to everyone in the system. There is no such thing as an addict in a vacuum, loved ones and the community are ultimately involved and harmed in the cycle of addiction no matter how you look at it.

They have introduced some new episode formats, like the one highlighted in the pic here, that are in-depth looks at specific types of drug classes and their impact. This particular one highlights Huffing, something that astoundingly far too many parents are not educated about or aware of. This was a powerful episode featuring not only success stories but some tragic endings as well.

I rate Intervention with 5-stars as far as its content, therapeutic viability and integrity and the educational information that is shared.

Next there is the new A&E show called Hoarders. Also touted as a therapeutic type intervention show focusing on the very real and shame-surrounded illness of hoarding. I find the show to be a bit less sound in its strength regarding therapeutic education and demonstration and a touch too voyeuristic as far as the many repeated scenes of piles of trash and belongings can be.

Although I praise A&E for their bravery in shedding light on this very real and very serious illness, I only would give it 3.5-stars due to the mild gawk-fest that it can sometimes feel like and the fact that some of the “experts” are nothing more than Professional Organizers. I would like to see more credentialed therapists and fewer Got Junk? garbage truck shots.

I would also rate the show higher if at the end, instead of posting a message along the lines of, “with the aftercare funds provided, person X plans to attend therapy”, if it stated that they are currently working in therapy. As a trained addiction professional, I see “funds provided” as a pitfall for the afflicted to go out and replenish some of the regretted losses. The lure of the old way, the pull of the “familiar bad” is more powerful than any of us truly admits.

And finally, the tragedy of what our definition of reality TV and its possibilities has fallen to, shows like The Biggest Loser and Jersey Shore. I cannot admit to having watched more than two episodes of The Biggest Loser and only one of Jersey Shore, but that was all I needed to be saddened to the core.

NBC’s The Biggest Loser empire is obviously a huge money making success, but again therapeutically, I believe it has taken far too long for this show to become serious about the very real illness of overeating, an illness that is exactly the same in its severity and life threatening potentiality as anorexia or bulimia. But our society still views individuals with this disorder as just being weak or lacking in self control, being lazy or sloppy or stupid (none of which are true). Ask any severely overweight person if they wouldn’t give anything to be healthy and the answer is a universal yes.

One particular episode I recall had the contestants battling over a “challenge”, and the challenge consisted of a huge banquet table piled high with all of their self-admitted favorite foods, their achilles heels, and the contestants were filmed struggling between their desire to win, their knowledge of being filmed, over the desire for their drug. Yes – drug.

Imagine if A&E’s Intervention used this same gimmick, and had an alcoholic presented with a table overflowing with their favorite drink, or a cocaine addict presented with a table covered in piles of glistening white flakes. The outrage would be epic, akin to torture and abuse, if not actually illegal then outright abysmally immoral.

In real life, real studies have been done somewhat along these very lines and in all cases when a severe addict was presented with the choice between $10,000 in cash or immediate access to the drug, invariably they chose the drug every time. Remember that a major tenant of addiction is immediacy.

I understand, by NBC’s trailers, that the show is now touting itself as “the only show on TV that is focused on saving lives”. While I admire this change of characterization, please refer to the above shows first and possibly rephrase that representation.

Just when you think the realm of reality TV has sunk to its lowest, along comes MTV’s Jersey Shore. The show is just actors playing out a ridiculous and insulting stereotype, there’s nothing “reality” based about it at all. Just to state the obvious, it has no therapeutic content or claims as well. There was the incident, though, where “Snooki” was punched in the face by a man in a bar, I could create an educational post about domestic violence out of this. Seriously.

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Needless to say, neither of the final 2 shows even qualify for my rating scale, it doesn’t go that low. As a person committed to helping real people make lasting change to better their lives, I cannot stand by quietly with public displays like these.

Let me know your thoughts.

How can you tell if someone is losing control regarding alcohol or drugs? As a therapist, I have yet to meet a family or client that has not been impacted by the effects of SA in their lives, be it themselves, a family member, a close friend or colleague. Some of the warning signs are: isolating one’s self, “needing” one more drink than everyone else, making excuses as to why or how much one is drinking or using drugs, arriving at a social event already having drank or used drugs on one’s own and being “primed”, getting angry if there aren’t drugs or alcohol available at a social event.

These are just a few signs that a person may be struggling with SA. You may have seen these behaviors and others in yourself or a loved one. But know that if you suspect that something is off balance, it usually is.

Here are some useful and free links for information for you or someone you care about in regards to education about the signs and risks of SA, as well as places to seek help. And of course, the therapists at MFT3 are all experienced and available to assist you or someone you love should SA be an issue in your lives.

• Free InfoLine help can be found 24/7 by dialing 2-1-1 from any phone, or at www.infoline.org
• National Institute on Drug Abuse, links for parents http://www.nida.nih.gov/parent-teacher.html
• For a full list of Addiction Services in lower Fairfield County, please visit http://www.ct.gov/dmhas/cwp/view.asp?a=2902&q=335230
• Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. www.al-anon.alateen.org
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) World Services, Inc. www.aa.org
• In Connecticut, visit www.ct-aa.org
• National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. (NCADD) www.ncadd.org
• National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) www.niaaa.nih.gov
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) www.samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP