Parenting is the single hardest thing we do after relationship building and maintaining. Kids have this magical ability to sense our weakest moments and hone in for the kill, or so it seems at times. How tough is too tough? When is it OK to give in? What am I bringing to this kid-centric emotional mix?

Recently, many parents are reporting having a hard time with the balance of being tough and fun. We are all stretched a bit thin and so at the end of the day, when the homework isn’t done and the game is over and the shoes are still in the middle of the floor and the catbox hasn’t been cleaned out again – who wants to be “the bad guy”? Let our partner deal with it, I’m outta here. Or let me show my partner how it’s done – but are they even paying attention?

The crux of creating peace and balance at home is consistency and discipline. Kids (deep down) love knowing where the boundaries are and knowing that each time they check and the boundary hasn’t changed, this experience settles them so they can go on and play, make believe, be kids. If you are one of those parents that feels like the kids are picking you to death, then try this exercise in your home.

Ask kids what the rules are at school. In my experience they will trip over themselves to demonstrate that they absolutely know what they are. Then ask them what the rules are at home. (do we hear the sound of crickets chirping here?). If this is the case then I recommend the following: just adopt what already works. If your kids are well behaved at school, you consistently get good reports from teachers, then just implement the school rules at home. No re-inventing the wheel here, just adopt what they already know and understand. Brilliant! (or so I’ve been told)

Secondly, the words one uses makes a difference. Another seemingly brilliant yet utterly subtle shift is to use this phrase; “I am willing to allow (event/treat/activity) now, but the rule still stands”. This phrase, “I’m willing”, puts the parent back in the position of power. No longer is it kid winning over parent by relentless begging and wearing down, but parent letting kid know that it is parent who has made a decision, that they can take the decision away too. Subtle? Yes. But the underlying power message is clear.

Try it and see for yourselves.

Each pie piece animates a different experience, and visual cues like these may be the best way for us to reach teens where they are most comfortable, in an electronic environment.

I encourage every parent of a teen or pre-teen to watch these as well, to be prepared for the conversations that may accompany the viewing, and to train yourselves to see the signs in your teen of potential problems before they get too big.

If you want help in getting the conversation started with your teen, or need a neutral location to address potential problems that you may already see, please don’t hesitate to contact MFT3 and we can set up a session together.

I have created a link on this blog with all of the wellness services from the event, please use it and share it with others, and I will be adding to the list as I learn of more services or opportunities.

One thing I wonder is how all of these families can come together and assist one another in a new way. Every family is struggling with burn-out, with couple breakdown, with having too much to do and not enough time. How can a community support group be built where things like shared babysitting (of trained and skilled childcare workers) is a real option, where Moms or Dads can share in carpooling to classes or workshops. Just thoughts but I’d love to hear your feedback.

Congratulations TPSLD! Keep up the great work!

The video below shows part of the CBS broadcast and then delves deeper with Jane Randel of Liz Claiborne, Vice President and developer of the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum (which is available to your school or group through MFT3), and Catherine Pierce, Deputy Director for the Justice Department’s Office on Violence Against Women.

Please watch, learn, talk with your kids, and share with as many people as you can. Remember that silence perpetuates abuse and violence, speaking up can stop it.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

If you are interested in having MFT3 bring the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum to your school or group, please contact Katherine Allen at 203-416-6008 x602 or e-mail katherine@mft3.com.

The subject was “Family, Friends and Lovers” and the focus was on the impact and importance of the relationships we have, our absolute need for them to be supportive and nurturing, and when things go awry, where and how to get help.

Even though the specific modality of Marriage and Family Therapy itself was not mentioned, the last part “Lovers”, where we follow the couple Monica and Phil through couples counseling, could not have been more appropriate regarding the actual experience that I have gone through so many dozens of times with couples myself. It was incredibly hopeful to me, as a therapist, that so many hundreds of thousands of people who may have outdated or misinformed ideas of what therapy is or looks/feels like were able to be witnesses to an actual, real, accurate experience.

Tune in tonight for part 2, click the link above if you missed part 1, and check back here tomorrow for more feedback, observation and learning.

Please contact MFT3 at info@mft3.com or 203-416-6008 to schedule workshops or presentations for your group, congregation, school or business.

We look forward to working with you.

Registration is required so please call 203-268-8852 if you are interested in attending this free workshop.

When something remarkable comes across your path, I believe it is important to share it with as many people as you can. Please enjoy! Watch, learn, and pass along as you see fit.

For most of us school begins this week or next and so too begins earlier bed times, giving us an opportunity to get re-aquainted with our spouses or to have a little time to ourselves again. I encourage all parents to enjoy this short lived period before the newness wears off and you’re once again at school twice a week for orientations and monitoring homework every night.

I would also remind parents that many children find returning to school, especially a new school, a very daunting experience. The academic and social pressures that children face today are very real. While there have always been bullies and peer pressure, those challenges have never been compounded by the media and technology in the form of cell phones, the internet, twitter, myspace etc. as they are today. The barrage of information that is pushed at our youth makes the notion of raising “well adjusted” children no small task. However, a tip that may help the process along is to place your social and academic expectations of your children in the wider context of their social and educational experience. That will require that you know who their friends are, that you check in with their teachers regularly and that you pay attention to their extra curricular activities and whether or not they have too many of them! When you have a true understanding of your child’s experience then you can set appropriate expectations and boundaries that will help you both in your adjustment process.

The “back to school” period is more than buying school supplies and new clothes. It’s also an opportunity to check in with your children, to attune yourself to their goals as well as their fears about the upcoming year. Doing so will not only boost their confidence about what their upcoming school year will bring, but it may also boost their confidence about their relationship with you!

Her show “One Smart Mother” airs on Tuesday mornings at 9am on AM WGCH Greenwich 1490 (http://www.wgch.com/guests.shtml#1242393676).

Tune in and learn from Nina and her guests! But if you miss it, you can listen to the podcast here: http://www.wgch.com/showarchive/osm.shtml.