Archive for the ‘MFT3’ Category

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

MFT3 is kicking off Domestic Violence Awareness Month with education, information and conversation!

As promised, Katherine Allen made a return appearance on Nina Sutton‘s radio show, One Smart Mother, heard Tuesdays at 9a on WGCH-AM 1490 of Greenwich, CT (read about our first appearance here).  You can listen to the 30 minute interview in its entirety below (also available through this direct link to the MP3):

Go get Adobe Flash Player!

Today’s topic was DV among the affluent and teen dating abuse, to launch DV Awareness Month. There is far too much information to squeeze into a half-hour radio show or this blog, so please look at the resources listed below and contact DVCC’s state-wide hotline at 1-888-774-2900 to ask about events and information in your hometown.

Domestic Violence can be stopped with conversations, education and collaboration.

As mentioned on the show, here is a link to the “Love Is Not Abuse” website, and some excerpts from the “Love Is Not Abuse” teen dating curriculum (LINA sample pages). The therapists of MFT3 are all able to present this program to your school, congregation or community; please contact us if you would like to learn more.

The book, “Not to People Like Us” by Susan Weitzman, PhD is a great resource regarding upscale abuse. One thing to mention is the payoff principle hidden in upscale abuse. A woman (typically) will continue to put up with abuse on the “slot machine” principle; I have taken so much, my payday is surely to come soon. She sees his assets and gains, often projecting them onto her children’s futures, so continues to take the abuse, hoping for the elusive payday in the end.

Some local events:

  • Weston DV Task Force Meeting: Friday, October 2, 9am, Weston Town Hall, open to any and all interested people.
  • Weston Awareness Day: Saturday, October 3, 9am-12 noon. Town Center. There will be an official Town Proclamation by Woody Bliss, Teen Task Force bake sale, Information table and Purple Ribbon display.
  • Westport Train Station Awareness Event: Thursday, October 8, 5:30am. Saugatuck train station will be where adult men and male teens will be handing out awareness materials during the morning commute, spearheaded by Westport Police Sargeant John Pitoniak.
  • Metanoia-Prevent Violence Against Women: UCONN, week of October 5-9.
  • On October 1 at 11:00 a.m., First Selectwoman Evonne Klein will give a Proclamation at the Darien Library declaring October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
  • Ninety-one purple ribbons are tied on the trees lining the downtown area and Noroton Heights.  The purple ribbons are a symbol of remembrance for the victims of domestic violence. During the fiscal year 2008/2009, there were 91 domestic disturbance calls to the Darien Police Department.
  • Posters highlighting the power and control tactics used by perpetrators of domestic abuse to control their victims will be displayed by local merchants in their storefront windows or within their store. Domestic violence is not about anger but power and control.
  • Ringing of church bells on October 1 at 12:00 p.m. The bells will ring 91 times for each call made to the Darien Police Department.
  • The classic film “Gaslight” will be featured at the Darien Library’s Friday Film Night on October 9.
  • “The Legal System’s Response to Domestic Violence” – Presentation by Nancy Dolinsky, Senior Assistant State’s Attorney and Ken Edwards, Jr., an Inspector in the CT Chief State’s Attorney’s Office, Specialized Domestic Violence Unit – October 14, 10:00 a.m. Darien Town Hall, Room 206.
  • Fairfield University: Saturday October 24, members of MFT3 will be panelists for a discussion regarding Domestic Violence.
  • “Hit Me On Your Cell”: Thursday, December 3, 9-7pm, Saxe Middle School, New Canaan, CT. Several town DV task forces join with the DVCC to present a program focusing on teen digital abuse. John Seigenthaler of Weston will be the moderator. In addition, teens are working on a short video illustrating what the students have seen, heard, or experienced concerning this issue.

And the list goes on. Please feel free to contact MFT3 by e-mail or by phone at 203-416-6008 as our clinicians are trained to respond in a sensitive and confidential way to any of your questions.

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Thank you, Monroe!

Monday, September 28th, 2009

MFT3 was privileged to be a part of the 4th Annual Monroe Wellness Fair this past Saturday. We met many local services and companies, and answered many questions as to exactly what is “marriage and family therapy”?

We look forward to serving residents from Monroe and all of the surrounding towns. Thank you for your warm welcome.

Katherine and Virginia manning the table

Katherine and Virginia manning the table

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MFT3 at Monroe Wellness Fair

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

The town of Monroe will host its fourth annual Wellness Fair on Saturday, Sept. 26, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., at Masuk High School.

Please stop by the MFT3 table and learn more about mental health, the services we provide, and just to put a friendly face to what may seem like a scary thing to do, meet with a therapist.

We look forward to seeing you there!

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Introducing: Laura Petiford, LMFT

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

MFT3 is pleased and proud to announce the signing of our newest associate, Laura Petiford, LMFT.

Laura Petiford

Laura joins MFT3 as a part-time practitioner. With several years experience at Hall-Brooke, she brings a depth and diversity to our practice with specialty in addiction and how it affects the family, codependency, depression, anxiety and trauma.

Please read Laura’s profile on our website, and join us in welcoming her to Trumbull and MFT3.

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Claim Your Power

Saturday, September 12th, 2009

I recently stumbled upon this amazing poem that is part of Oprah’s “20 Most Powerful Women” spot.

Originally seen on the Oprah web site here.

It speaks for itself.

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Lazy Days of Summer

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

What can we say about the last weeks of summer as everyone is adjusting to the new fiscal year, beginning to think about the fast approaching school year, and possibly even getting started on their holiday shopping?!!! It often feels like it’s over before it’s even begun. How do we remind ourselves, heck, even force ourselves to SLOW DOWN. Vacations become something to recover from when you return because they were packed with activities, not to mention the ten loads of laundry and pile of mail awaiting you at home. The sports, dance, art, music lessons and practices begin to fill up our afternoons, our evenings, our weekends. All of these are important contributions to the versatile lives we lead however there also has to be a point of letting go. Easier said than done, right?

This month, as the August days quickly pass, we at MFT3 encourage you and challenge you to examine your expectations of yourselves, your partners, and your children. Make a list of things that you can let go of, even if just for one week, one night, one hour. If you have to eat cold sandwiches or throw together a salad for dinner so that you can hang out on a blanket on the front lawn and have an impromptu picnic with your family, do that. If you have to leave the laundry for another day in order to take a walk after dinner with your spouse, do that too. Play a game rather than check your iPhone or blackberry for the hundredth time today. Take a bath rather than taking another hour to work from home. Listen to the laughter of your children, the sound of the stillness after everyone is settled for the night, or the wisdom of your grandparent who is surprised to hear from you unexpectedly.

These are all simple and natural remedies for the anxiety that we begin to carry around as a result of having unrealistic expectations of ourselves. This is also an anxiety that we can transmit to our children, our employees, and others in our lives that follow our lead. Once it’s time to gear up again, you can always be proactive and prepared so that you set the pace. Stay tuned to our blog for suggestions on how to enter the responsibilities ahead with a balanced approach and a planful state of mind.

Of course if these are issues that you struggle to get a handle on, we at MFT3 are happy to provide our assistance in managing the anxiety in your household or to establish structure that allows for each person’s needs to be met.

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From the radio show: Domestic Violence Info

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

This morning, I was privileged and honored to be a guest on Nina Sutton‘s radio show “One Smart Mother“, heard Tuesdays at 9a on WGCH-AM 1490 (Greenwich, CT).  You can listen to the 30 minute interview in its entirety below (also available through this direct link to the MP3):

Go get Adobe Flash Player!

Today’s topic was one near and dear to my heart and my profession as a therapist – domestic violence. I embrace every opportunity to speak about the real face of domestic violence, to break the myths and help end the generational cycle of abuse.

As I promised on the show, here are some of the best resources (National and local) if you suspect that you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship. Remember, you don’t need a black eye or a hospital stay for a relationship to be abusive or illegal, some of the deepest and longest lasting wounds happen on the inside.

Help is ready and available. Join me in talking about this problem.

  • 24-hour, toll-free National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-SAFE http://www.ndvh.org
  • 24-hour, toll-free Connecticut statewide hotline  1-888-774-2900
  • The first of its kind, NTDAH will operate via telephone and Web 24 hours a day and will be staffed by both teen and adult advocates. Teens (and parents) anywhere in the country can call toll free, 1-866-331-9474 or log on to the interactive Web site, loveisrespect.org
  • Loveisnotabuse.com Tips and tools to start the conversation with your teen, in your school, in your community.
  • CWF  (The Center for Women and Families of Eastern Fairfield County, Inc.)
    753 Fairfield Avenue,
Bridgeport, CT
 (203) 384-9559 www.cwfefc.org
  • DVCC  (Domestic Violence Crisis Center)  1-888-774-2900 www.dvccct.org
    Norwalk, CT (203) 852-1980 and Stamford, CT (203) 357-8162
  • CCADV  (Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence) (860) 282-7899 http://www.ctcadv.org
  • 2-1-1 Infoline in Connecticut
  • Worldwide  hotpeachpages.net

Check back in October for another radio guest spot and further resources for specific populations, namely affluent victims and resources for teens regarding dating choices.

As always, MFT3 is ready and able to help if you are experiencing abuse or violence in your relationship. We can be reached at (203) 416-6008 or at info@mft3.com. All calls and emails are completely confidential.

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Less is More

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

I have been hearing and reading quite a lot lately about how to cut back, pare down, reduce clutter and live leaner and smarter. Celebrities like Oprah and various Home and DIY shows dedicate time each week to helping people realize that “stuff” does not make us happy, but time with our loved ones does. There is research that has verified the association between many negative physical symptoms (like migraines, muscle soreness, stomach and digestive problems) with the stress that clutter and superfluous stuff causes within us. Yes, that’s correct – too much stuff makes us sicker!

Therefore I offer to you the following. July is “National Hot Dog Month” and “National Ice Cream Month”. Now that sounds like a fun, flavorful and frugal kind of celebration. It is also “National Family Reunion Month” and while this may cause more stress for some, it may also be an opportunity to reduce yourselves of some clutter by making the gathering a donation event as well, reducing your extra stuff as a family and helping others who lack some of the basics. Helping someone else and being grateful for what you still have has a wonderful healing effect.

July 18th is “Toss Away the Could-Haves and Should-Haves Day”. Should is another one of those tough words. It means that if something isn’t as it “should” be then everything else is worse or wrong. That’s a pretty high standard to meet. I can always find at least 3 to 6 alternative ways of seeing any situation. Embrace today, where you are, and realize that this is good, too.

from WIkipedia by Alvesgaspar

from Wikipedia by Alvesgaspar

My favorite, though, is July is also “National Share a Sunset with your Lover Month”. This is a great free celebration that we can all enjoy. It costs nothing, just some time and some willingness to make it happen. Yeah, we’ve had more than our share of rain in CT, but there are still many sunny days ahead.

Any situation is what you make it, and Less is definitely More if you let it be. Have a great sunset!

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Independence

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

In the spirit of independence, the therapists at MFT3 would like to acknowledge how difficult it can be to ask for help when you need it. After all, aren’t we all supposed to be able to manage our problems on our own? Shouldn’t we be able to keep all the balls in the air with our families, careers, and social obligations? Isn’t that what it means to be independent? In these difficult economic times, it’s important to recognize the impact that stress is having on our lives. The truth is that sometimes individual independence comes easily and other times, you need an army.

We challenge you to view independence as utilizing the proper resources to maintain a healthy emotional and physical state of well being, which doesn’t necessarily mean doing it on your own.

How does our concept of independence affect our relationships with our partners, children, family members, friends, and co-workers? How can we establish intimacy with our significant other while creating safe boundaries for ourselves in which we are able to express ourselves as individuals? How do we allow our children to be independent but also to continue to lean on us when they need us and offer guidance and wisdom in their lives?

All of this requires a balance, where we are comfortable letting others know our strengths and weaknesses and accept what is offered to us when there are too many responsibilities to juggle. It may mean not being the best at everything all the time. It may mean relinquishing control and coping with the uncertainty that comes with allowing someone else to do it their way. It may mean giving ourselves permission to be the leader and the follower, the rock and the tumultuous storm, to be independent and dependent.

We encourage you to start off your summer by being patient and kind to yourselves, by taking stock of your accomplishments and the successes of your family, and by recognizing that if there are areas of your life that call for a little less self sacrifice and a little more asking for help, help is available and asking for it is truly an independent act.

Happy Independence Day!

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“Communication”

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

I often bristle at the word “communication”. This is a tough word. It’s tough because so many people have such varied definitions of what exactly “communication” means. Here’s an insight; the human being cannot not communicate. Communicating is always on, always going and always being observed and responded to.

June is National Communication Month. It’s also National Smile Month. This got me to thinking, how about making “smile” the communication that we all consciously use for one month? (I’d actually like it to be for the year, but let’s start small)

Everyone knows that moods are non-verbal communications of how you are really feeling. Babies instinctively respond to smiles, and we respond in kind to theirs. You might say the words, “I’m fine” at a cocktail party when someone asks you how you are doing, but you know that you just had a blowout with your boss and are still fuming and frustrated, there’s nothing in your body language that supports the “I’m fine” statement, and nobody’s fooled. To change the mood, add in a smile. The corners of your mouth simultaneously being raised sends a signal to your brain that you are “smiling” and therefore happy, and so the brain then releases chemicals to support that truth. Before you know it you are feeling better.

Smiles are hard to fake. They are also wonderfully contagious. Smiles can change a mood, of yourself or of others around you, in a moment.

Smile, and the world smiles with you.

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