This summer I hope one and all have the great opportunity to create some lifetime memories by taking a family car trip.

Recently I took just such a car trip with unexpected side effects. We headed out to Webatuck, NY to the artisan village there for a day of crafts and wandering. Unfortunately, the roadside attraction that added to the spot’s charm had been demolished, the giant chair was gone, and surprisingly so was the craft village. All that remains is one small painter’s gallery. Really? A giant chair can have that much power?

But upon further reflection I realize that why yes it does. Think back to all of the myriad car trips you have taken and see what stands out. More often than not it’s the silly or strange or amazing “thing” along the way that we really remember and not whether or not the dog threw up or Jimmy spilled his soda, or even the destination. There is power in that unusual creation that someone boldly puts out there. It’s their inner creative uniqueness that is brazenly thrown up in larger than life form and it draws us to it, we stop in awe of someone else’s inner vision.

Which is why I was melancholy when I  learned of a recent controversy over another roadside attraction. This time it’s the Vermontasaurus that is under fire. Apparently another person’s inner spark has created a brush fire of revolt and petty fines in a small town. I am saddened to think of this unique creation being cut down before it even has time to create a following. Just look at Webatuck and take heed. There is magic in the unusual and bold. Roadside attractions create an experience bigger than themselves, they can bring a community together if allowed.

So stop or take that extra 2 or 3-mile detour and go see the giant duck or funny-shaped whatchamacallit. Take pleasure in the journey, stop and see the sights. In retrospect you and the community will be glad you did.

I know, I know, who wants to think about therapy when it’s beautiful outside and there are so many other fun things to do like chase fireflies and play in sprinklers and read a book in a hammock? But relationship and emotional issues don’t go away just because the temperature reaches 80-degrees. Sometimes the unstructured time can add to the problems and discord, and that’s where summertime therapy comes in.

So the kids are at home more now, your husband has “golf with the boss”, your neighbor’s windows are open and you can hear little Johnny’s drum set even more clearly, and let’s not forget the extra alcohol consumption that the hot weather seems to invite.

Coming in for sessions in the summer may seem like a drag at first but in reality it’s a great time for therapy. First, there are usually more slots open in a clinician’s roster due to all of the above reasons so getting a time you want is probably easier. Second, having a weekly appointment can help to keep some semblance of a routine which may be helpful if not downright necessary for kids (or adults) who function better with a steady, predictable routine. Sometimes summer can be a time to dread rather than celebrate for families with this issue. Third, having your budding teen learn about safe dating practices is always a great idea but now with more free time on their hands and skimpier clothing, this education may be a lifesaver. And finally, setting aside a block of time like “the summer” to focus on building new interactional skills, practicing intimacy building tools, resolving old haunting memories, really slow down and focus on yourself – summertime therapy can be a gift for a lifetime of better functioning.

So come on in and enjoy the air conditioning, the fireflies and s’mores will be there later.

Please join us in welcoming our newest associate, Erica M. Cannata, LADC, MFT, CCDP-D, to Marriage & Family Therapy of Trumbull (MFT3).

Erica joins both Katherine Allen, M.A., LMFT and Laura Petiford, M.A., LMFT at the Trumbull location. Erica, a seasoned expert in addiction disorders and adolescent issues, is a Licensed Addiction Counselor and Certified Co-Occurring Disorders Professional Diplomate in the state of Connecticut. Erica will begin taking new clients starting June 28, 2010.

At MFT3 we understand that life can come at you fast, and that’s why we’re here to help. MFT3 can be found online at http://www.mft3.com. Visit our blog at http://blog.mft3.com or join the Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/mft3page.

Our office location is at 2 Corporate Drive, Suite 211, Trumbull CT 06611. Phone: 203-416-6008. E-mail: info@mft3.com.

Wishing one and all balance and peace.

This philosophy ties in to the base premise behind all addictive patterns, in my definition. I believe that all addiction is an attempt to self-soothe, to mask, change or alter one state of being or feeling into another by the use of outside means. OK, in plain english, it’s using drugs or alcohol or shopping, cutting, sex, gambling, bulimia to avoid, to feel something different, even if only for a short time. It’s not being able to sit with the discomfort of the tough decision or interaction or feeling in the moment. Is not the prescriber in the article implicitly defending doing this very same thing? Giving in to the perceived “quick and easy” decision by prescribing rather than sitting with the discomfort of saying “No”?

I have many clients who struggle with differing stages of use and recovery. One thing I tell every one of them is that your MD is not a mind reader, that the information you give the doctor has an enormous impact on their treatment. Nobody walks around with the label “In Recovery” on their foreheads, so it’s your responsibility to educate your care givers. Ask for non-narcotic pain relievers, mention how proud you are for X-number of days being sober, your medical care provider will appreciate and support your efforts that they may otherwise unwittingly undermine by prescribing a narcotic (which for the MD is cheaper and easier, it’s more difficult to be creative in a non-narcotic mindset).

Is this not a perpetuation of addictive behavior in a less blaming, distasteful dose?

How does addiction continue to win over healthy choices?

It is this age old battle that I continue to fight daily, choosing the discomfort, the tough choice, keeping the long-term goals in sight and saying it’s worth it. C’mon, welcome the discomfort! The harder thing, the more difficult action, will truly set you free.

Parenting is the single hardest thing we do after relationship building and maintaining. Kids have this magical ability to sense our weakest moments and hone in for the kill, or so it seems at times. How tough is too tough? When is it OK to give in? What am I bringing to this kid-centric emotional mix?

Recently, many parents are reporting having a hard time with the balance of being tough and fun. We are all stretched a bit thin and so at the end of the day, when the homework isn’t done and the game is over and the shoes are still in the middle of the floor and the catbox hasn’t been cleaned out again – who wants to be “the bad guy”? Let our partner deal with it, I’m outta here. Or let me show my partner how it’s done – but are they even paying attention?

The crux of creating peace and balance at home is consistency and discipline. Kids (deep down) love knowing where the boundaries are and knowing that each time they check and the boundary hasn’t changed, this experience settles them so they can go on and play, make believe, be kids. If you are one of those parents that feels like the kids are picking you to death, then try this exercise in your home.

Ask kids what the rules are at school. In my experience they will trip over themselves to demonstrate that they absolutely know what they are. Then ask them what the rules are at home. (do we hear the sound of crickets chirping here?). If this is the case then I recommend the following: just adopt what already works. If your kids are well behaved at school, you consistently get good reports from teachers, then just implement the school rules at home. No re-inventing the wheel here, just adopt what they already know and understand. Brilliant! (or so I’ve been told)

Secondly, the words one uses makes a difference. Another seemingly brilliant yet utterly subtle shift is to use this phrase; “I am willing to allow (event/treat/activity) now, but the rule still stands”. This phrase, “I’m willing”, puts the parent back in the position of power. No longer is it kid winning over parent by relentless begging and wearing down, but parent letting kid know that it is parent who has made a decision, that they can take the decision away too. Subtle? Yes. But the underlying power message is clear.

Try it and see for yourselves.

Mental Health America has, as usual, loads of information for someone who may be in a stuck place, where to seek help, quizzes to gauge severity or presence of things like depression or anxiety.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) also has a very valuable website full of resources and information for the public as well as professionals.

Regular readers will recognize the next link. PBS’s “This Emotional Life” has created a unique and useful resource full of information regarding tough topics like PTSD, autism, adolescence and parenting to name a few. MFT3 is proud to be listed among the providers in the Resources section of the site.

But on a lighter note, I have discovered some atypical mental health related days or remembrances for the month of May.

For some fun yet obvious ideas, there is Hug week (May 2-8), Meditation week (May 2-8), Teen self-esteem week is also the same week. May 16-22 is Celebrate New and Old Friends week.

There is a theme of literacy in May, it is “Get Caught Reading” month as well as Read for Fun week (May 9-15) and Childrens’ Book week (May 10-16). You could read about mental health.

I found a bunch of food related themes, too. It is National Barbecue month, as well as designating specific days dedicated to celebrating hamburgers, salad, salsa, eggs, sweet vidalia onions and bread pudding recipe exchange week. Yum. To this we can add in May 6 as No Diet Day and May 11 as Eat What You Want day, followed closely by the fun-filled May 15: The Day of Families, Pizza parties and Chocolate Chips. I sense a theme here…

Oooh, speaking of chocolate chips, that leads me to my favorite day so far: May 25, Cookie Monster’s Birthday (voice Frank Oz).

Cookie Monster should also make an appearance on May 5 for the Great American Grump Out day festivities, to help out Oscar the Grouch a bit?

And to end the month on a full yet thoughtful note, May 31 reminds us that “What You Think Upon Grows” day. I use this philosophy often with clients; that if our thoughts are centered on what’s missing, then what’s missing, by definition, will have to expand.

I wish you all a month of good mental health, however you choose to create it!

Each pie piece animates a different experience, and visual cues like these may be the best way for us to reach teens where they are most comfortable, in an electronic environment.

I encourage every parent of a teen or pre-teen to watch these as well, to be prepared for the conversations that may accompany the viewing, and to train yourselves to see the signs in your teen of potential problems before they get too big.

If you want help in getting the conversation started with your teen, or need a neutral location to address potential problems that you may already see, please don’t hesitate to contact MFT3 and we can set up a session together.

I have created a link on this blog with all of the wellness services from the event, please use it and share it with others, and I will be adding to the list as I learn of more services or opportunities.

One thing I wonder is how all of these families can come together and assist one another in a new way. Every family is struggling with burn-out, with couple breakdown, with having too much to do and not enough time. How can a community support group be built where things like shared babysitting (of trained and skilled childcare workers) is a real option, where Moms or Dads can share in carpooling to classes or workshops. Just thoughts but I’d love to hear your feedback.

Congratulations TPSLD! Keep up the great work!

Take A&E’s Intervention. An amazing show, filled with the real pain and trials that addiction submits to everyone in the system. There is no such thing as an addict in a vacuum, loved ones and the community are ultimately involved and harmed in the cycle of addiction no matter how you look at it.

They have introduced some new episode formats, like the one highlighted in the pic here, that are in-depth looks at specific types of drug classes and their impact. This particular one highlights Huffing, something that astoundingly far too many parents are not educated about or aware of. This was a powerful episode featuring not only success stories but some tragic endings as well.

I rate Intervention with 5-stars as far as its content, therapeutic viability and integrity and the educational information that is shared.

Next there is the new A&E show called Hoarders. Also touted as a therapeutic type intervention show focusing on the very real and shame-surrounded illness of hoarding. I find the show to be a bit less sound in its strength regarding therapeutic education and demonstration and a touch too voyeuristic as far as the many repeated scenes of piles of trash and belongings can be.

Although I praise A&E for their bravery in shedding light on this very real and very serious illness, I only would give it 3.5-stars due to the mild gawk-fest that it can sometimes feel like and the fact that some of the “experts” are nothing more than Professional Organizers. I would like to see more credentialed therapists and fewer Got Junk? garbage truck shots.

I would also rate the show higher if at the end, instead of posting a message along the lines of, “with the aftercare funds provided, person X plans to attend therapy”, if it stated that they are currently working in therapy. As a trained addiction professional, I see “funds provided” as a pitfall for the afflicted to go out and replenish some of the regretted losses. The lure of the old way, the pull of the “familiar bad” is more powerful than any of us truly admits.

And finally, the tragedy of what our definition of reality TV and its possibilities has fallen to, shows like The Biggest Loser and Jersey Shore. I cannot admit to having watched more than two episodes of The Biggest Loser and only one of Jersey Shore, but that was all I needed to be saddened to the core.

NBC’s The Biggest Loser empire is obviously a huge money making success, but again therapeutically, I believe it has taken far too long for this show to become serious about the very real illness of overeating, an illness that is exactly the same in its severity and life threatening potentiality as anorexia or bulimia. But our society still views individuals with this disorder as just being weak or lacking in self control, being lazy or sloppy or stupid (none of which are true). Ask any severely overweight person if they wouldn’t give anything to be healthy and the answer is a universal yes.

One particular episode I recall had the contestants battling over a “challenge”, and the challenge consisted of a huge banquet table piled high with all of their self-admitted favorite foods, their achilles heels, and the contestants were filmed struggling between their desire to win, their knowledge of being filmed, over the desire for their drug. Yes – drug.

Imagine if A&E’s Intervention used this same gimmick, and had an alcoholic presented with a table overflowing with their favorite drink, or a cocaine addict presented with a table covered in piles of glistening white flakes. The outrage would be epic, akin to torture and abuse, if not actually illegal then outright abysmally immoral.

In real life, real studies have been done somewhat along these very lines and in all cases when a severe addict was presented with the choice between $10,000 in cash or immediate access to the drug, invariably they chose the drug every time. Remember that a major tenant of addiction is immediacy.

I understand, by NBC’s trailers, that the show is now touting itself as “the only show on TV that is focused on saving lives”. While I admire this change of characterization, please refer to the above shows first and possibly rephrase that representation.

Just when you think the realm of reality TV has sunk to its lowest, along comes MTV’s Jersey Shore. The show is just actors playing out a ridiculous and insulting stereotype, there’s nothing “reality” based about it at all. Just to state the obvious, it has no therapeutic content or claims as well. There was the incident, though, where “Snooki” was punched in the face by a man in a bar, I could create an educational post about domestic violence out of this. Seriously.

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Needless to say, neither of the final 2 shows even qualify for my rating scale, it doesn’t go that low. As a person committed to helping real people make lasting change to better their lives, I cannot stand by quietly with public displays like these.

Let me know your thoughts.

The video below shows part of the CBS broadcast and then delves deeper with Jane Randel of Liz Claiborne, Vice President and developer of the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum (which is available to your school or group through MFT3), and Catherine Pierce, Deputy Director for the Justice Department’s Office on Violence Against Women.

Please watch, learn, talk with your kids, and share with as many people as you can. Remember that silence perpetuates abuse and violence, speaking up can stop it.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

If you are interested in having MFT3 bring the “Love Is Not Abuse” curriculum to your school or group, please contact Katherine Allen at 203-416-6008 x602 or e-mail katherine@mft3.com.