The holidays present a particularly difficult time for people contemplating divorce, in the process or just recently through it. It is a time to seek more support, not less, so MFT3 will do its part by being here twice.

Contact Katherine Allen by email to reserve your spot.

The group will be meeting the second Tuesday of each month.

Cost is $30 per session.

I am hoping to bring together a diverse group of men and women who are all going through the very complicated experience of divorce. Some will be the leavers and some the left, but I hope we can move beyond the ex-bashing and into the healing of the pain, the process of re-defining yourselves and your relationships with your children. It’s about seeing the experience through others’ eyes and to feel less alone.

Katherine Allen, LMFT will be leading the groups, having each one be on a particular topic like building new holiday rituals, intimacy and belonging, financial changes, kids and extended family, conflict management and the like.

Please share this information with any other people in the contemplation, early or late parts of divorce.

Looking forward to getting started!! Please send your confirmation or questions to Katherine’s email.

Lisa Fournier has joined MFT3

Please join us in welcoming our newest associate, Lisa Fournier, MFT, LADC, CCDP-D, to Marriage & Family Therapy of Trumbull (MFT3).

A graduate of Fairfield University, Lisa is a seasoned professional, trained in Marriage and Family Therapy, certified and licensed in addiction counseling in Connecticut, and also certified in the treatment of co-occurring disorders. With years of work in private, non-profit and community health centers, Lisa is well acquainted with a broad spectrum of mental health issues and the interventions effective in promoting change.

Lisa is now accepting new clients; she can be contacted by e-mail or by calling 203-416-6008, x605.

At MFT3 we understand that life can come at you fast, and that’s why we’re here to help. MFT3 can be found online at http://www.mft3.com. Visit our blog at http://blog.mft3.com or join the Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/mft3page.

Our office location is at 2 Corporate Drive, Suite 211, Trumbull CT 06611. Phone: 203-416-6008, or by e-mail.

Knowing when it's time to quit

It’s hard to say goodbye even in the best of circumstances. But at the end of the day, essentially it is the end goal of every therapy relationship to ultimately end. Yes we are seeking goodbye from the first time we meet.

Sometimes this is done in a beautiful, Hollywood-worthy way when client reaches stated goal and is healed of the problem and therapist and client come to a collective agreement that yes, it is indeed time for us to part, sad but joyful, accomplished, healed. It can be hard saying goodbye to a relationship where you have shared your deepest secrets, fears, hopes and have grown to trust in this other person, the therapist. Sometimes the therapy relationship is the only honest and healthy relationship a client has ever encountered. Yet even then, especially then, it is important to say goodbye.

Sometimes clients say goodbye in less than flattering ways. Sometimes they just stop answering their phone. Sometimes they feel the need to yell at the therapist to aid in making the break. Sometimes they even need to vilify the therapist because they might have exposed too much, there are still some unresolved raw spots throbbing in pain.

Sometimes a therapist has to essentially fire a client, kick them out of the proverbial nest, launching them into this new world that they are now ready for. Or, sometimes, into a new therapy relationship that will hopefully address the as of yet unmet needs of that client.

Regardless of how or when we say goodbye, it is always emotional. The success stories are bursting with pride and accomplishment in both parties. The bad breakups feel bad, at least to this therapist, only in that it didn’t have to end that way. The vilified ones are awful, hopefully rare, and the fear is that the client will see the whole profession through hurt lenses and never get the healing they obviously need.

Sometimes it happens on a comfortable timeline, sometimes it feels too fast, or in the case of those being pushed out of the nest, too long.

But in the end every therapist is ready and well prepared for the goodbye. The issues arise when the clients aren’t on the same page. So take this lesson and share it – saying goodbye is hard and good, especially when done with mindfulness and understanding.

And just because the issue that brought you to therapy is resolved doesn’t mean that you can never go back. Life has a way of giving us multiple challenges. Know that it is a therapist’s highest compliment when a satisfied client returns in the future, new issue in hand. We’re here to help, ready when you are. And, ready to say goodbye again and again.

(cue Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music…)

Hurricane Irene

Due to a hurricane-related power outage in our office building, MFT3 will be closed today. All appointments for 8/29/2011 are cancelled.  Please call 203-416-6008 for more information and/or to reschedule.

We have no information about or estimated time for restoration of power.  Please stay tuned to this blog or our Facebook page for the latest news of the office’s reopening.

Sitting still with accountability

It’s easy to say, somewhat easy to spell, yet oh so hard to do, at least in certain situations. One situation that has a particularly prickly relationship with accountability is the one with addiction. Remember the dragon? He hates accountability. Nope, no fun at all, not for him.

Accountability seems to be a vague value for so many people. In the room of therapy, here is what it means. It means we will have to take responsibility for our actions and words. We will have to feel pain and not try to rationalize it away. We will have to ignore the urge to minimize or dramatize actual events, but relate them accurately with all their warts or modest accolades. It means some will be proud, some will judge, some will not care and some will possibly try to undermine or retaliate. It then means that we do not respond, that we accept the fact that our actions have reactions, reciprocity, and that we don’t get to always be the weavers of the tale that follows. Sometimes we have to sit with the reality of the situation and just let it be.

Man, this is hard stuff to teach in therapy! It sounds so neat and simple yet it is the undercurrent of so much of what we do. Can client A sit with the pain of an over-reaction and let it feel bad and then let it move away? Can client B sit with a stunning realization without the usual snide comeback? Can client C allow the truth of a situation to be OK and isolated and not “kitchen sink” old issues to muddy the moment?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLso0ZBqOi4

Sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn’t. We aren’t looking for perfection (that’s a whole other blog post) but slight shades of improvement, insight, to string together a few successes and allow them to resonate more than the old pattern.

Come on in, the water’s great!

crocuses

March has been shaping up as a banner month for MFT3 and we’d like to give a run-down of some of the highlights.

March started out with a message from the APA in which MFT3 has been chosen as a clinical field trial site for the upcoming DSM-5. This is a huge honor as MFTs have not been invited to this dance historically and with Katherine Allen, LMFT, in our little entity being among only 500 MFTs in the nation selected for this information gathering research process, well we feel pretty special about that. (here’s the FAQ)

Secondly came the great news that our associate, Erica Cannata, had sat for and successfully passed the MFT licensing exam. Horray Erica! So to her already lengthy list of credentials and accomplishments she has now added LMFT. I’m not sure we can fit all of the letters after her name on the new business cards, but just watch us make it happen!

Following this good news was the surprise honor when the AAMFT chose our blog as “blog of the week“. Being recognized on the national level for our blog is such an exciting thing. To know that this typing and sending out into the world each month is being recognized is very satisfying, someone is paying attention and appreciating the thoughts and insights that we share for those who may be contemplating therapy or looking to supplement their ongoing therapy with more information. (and now that we realize there is a larger audience, we’ll be writing more!)

actual view from actual car

Katherine Allen is also running for a seat on the CTAMFT Board of Directors and the voting is scheduled to end on March 30. Cross your fingers for her, and fellow CTAMFT members if you haven’t yet voted please do so!

And finally, on a much lighter note, it’s great to see the epic Northeast snows of winter disappear and the first signs of spring emerge. We welcome the tulip and the Robin. It’s a nice reminder that the one constant in life is change, whether we want it or not.

In closing, we hope that if you find yourself feeling stuck, there is help out there and we are happy to take your calls and answer your questions.

MFT3 has turned two today. Two years of being open, establishing in a new market and eventually, serving so many wonderful people.

We’d just like to pause as we enter year three and say thank you to all who have put their trust in us. We are grateful for your loyalty and honored to continue to serve you.